RJ: To do drag, is not to be a drag queen. To do it one time doesn’t necessarily mean I’m stuck with this.. stigma. What I do doesn’t necessarily define my identity. Because I wear these clothes doesn’t define my identity. You know what I’m saying?
A: Yeah.
RJ: You’re identity, I think, is defined internally. And once you get that down, people will figure it out. People will understand it. The drag world is perceived that… and the femme worlds.. all these worlds and people feel that they have to fit into a mold in order to have an identity. And no, you fucking don’t!
A: What I think is fucked up about identity politics and claiming an identity is saying I agree to all of these things. I claim the identity of Christianity. I am not, for instance, Westborro Baptist. Like that is not my idea of Christianity, but we fall under the same umbrella. And so, I think we take different parts of different identities that mean something to us, but then we have to explain: like “Oh, I’m Christian, but it means this. I’m queer and it means this. There are so many facets to people, like I am FTM, but I’m also a drag king. And now, apparently, sometimes a drag queen [all laugh]. I mean, but like [laughing] that’s only one part of me. And then being trans is another part. And being queer is another part, and it’s like assimilating to some identities, making me one-dimensional or not.
LD: For me, it’s very existentialist. How you perceive yourself, and also how’re you’re perceived and informed. Because part of choosing that language is to be understood. And that’s hard. It’s hard to consolidate those parts of yourself. You have to recognize that you may be misconstrued or misperceived by the words that you choose. Also, reclaiming words—like calling myself a “faggot”—would mean something to certain people and something else to others. But it still would be damaging and dangerous for me if someone else called me faggot.
A: Yeah, like my godmother and I used to fight, because of our generations, reclaiming the word queer. And she’s like “I almost died over that word.” Like “That word is not a good word.” And now, you know, if you want to take it into a different context, of like race, and saying “nigger” means something to a certain age group of African Americans and it means something different to another age group. And reclaiming words isn’t necessarily… it’s something controversial to do. And most of the things that happen in my internal mind, when I’m sitting around thinking, is re-define words. My definition of Christian, queer, and trans is very different than yours may be. So when I claim an identity, I also have to say “But it doesn’t mean this; it means this.” That’s why I fucking hate identity sometimes.
LD: So much is lost in translation.
RJ: Right. And it’s such a personal thing. Cause identity, like you said, you take little pieces from lots of different things. And when I was asked in this interview “What do you identify as?” I still don’t know if I answered the question. I’m not sure I did.
LD: No, you did. You said “gay male”
RJ: Well, I mean, that’s not me.
LD: That’s not all of you.
RJ: Yeah, and that’s the thing I fight consistently. If you’ve ever seen Broken Hearts Club, the one thing I’m terrified of is what he says: “I’m thirty years old, and the only thing I’m good at is being gay.” Trying to figure out the rest of me. That’s terrified me ever since I heard it. I’m like “Yeah, that’s exactly it.” I’m always so worried. I read Judy Carter’s Homo Handbook when I was young and took it very seriously.
A: I read Stone Butch Blues when I was 11.
RJ: [laughs] Yeah, and the last chapter is “Become an Activist,” and I have! I’ve created an activist organization that’s still thriving and working well. I think I’m getting involved with them again, which is very fun. I’m involved now, and I’ve never stopped. But I stopped being the co-founder and being an active leader in it. I think I’m going to start back up, cause they asked me to.
(Conversation moves to school and photography..)
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