Interview with Aidan aka Carson Freeway

4/6 3:42pm

LD: Could you tell me how you identify, if at all?

A: [chuckles] I mean, I do have many identities I guess. Um. I think the easiest is that I’m.. queer, trans, Christian, and I’m drag “something.” [both laugh] It depends on the day. I know that’s a lot of identities..

LD: No, it’s not!

A: Well, there’s a lot in all of those. I think that’s the best way to put it.

LD: Yeah, I hear you. Ok. What does drag mean to you?

A: Um.. I don’t know. I think drag is changing for me, primarily because I identify as female-to-male trans, doing drag as a boy is fun, but it’s also not doing drag because I’m dancing like myself, like a boy, on stage. And so, being a drag king sometimes feels fake—because I’m not a typical female identified female personifying a stereotypical male. I’m sortof male identified personifying myself. So drag is kind of changing for me a bit. You know I did my first show as a drag “queen” or something. I started doing drag after transitioning. I don’t know.. I’m sort of using drag to explore the feminine parts of myself I left behind, but also to be super-masculine in a way that I’m not. And so drag is both of the sides of the spectrum, the extremities that I never live in. If that makes any sense.. [laughs]

LD: Yeah, it does! So why do you perform or present in drag? It’s kind of related..

A: Yeah it is kind of related. I think it is “A.” I like being the center of attention [laughs]. Yeah there is a component of that for sure.. And “B” I think I like playing with parts of myself that aren’t really parts of myself. Taking an aspect of self and blowing it up, almost satirical proportions. I’m not super masculine in any way that your would stereotype “super masculine.” So getting to be this really cocky—maybe I’m doing country or something—and getting to play that role is some satirical fashion of some embodiment of myself. Yeah, so I think that’s why. And I know this paper isn’t about femininity, but it does allow me to wear heels sometimes. And I enjoy wearing heels, and I look good in some kinds of heels! So it’s a fun way to play with that part of myself that I don’t want to lose because of transitioning. So it allows me to stay in the middle for the most of the time and play on the extremes when I perform.

LD: That’s awesome. What has been your experience performing/presenting in Asheville?

A: I’ve performed more in Asheville than I have anywhere else. I only did drag twice before I came to Asheville, but nobody knew that when they asked me to perform—for Stonewall, was the first time. And I’ve had a really good experience, and I’ve done it at a couple of different venues in a couple of different ways, and felt really good about all of it. And it’s fun to be performing more, so I’ve gotten into these different aspects. You know, for me now, I enjoy getting up and lip-synching to a song, but I’ve also learned to work with other people and do some actual performance and make it less, that I’m a person pretending to sing a song and more about let’s show some presentation of what this song could be about and how we can relate in this song. I did a performance with somebody and we did “Smoking in the Boys Room” and this whole sort of play on the.. straight male aggression and sexual drive where we were pretending to give each other a blow job in the bathroom. And so it can be used in this way… I can’t think..

LD: Was that the show at the Boiler Room?

A: Yeah. It’s more of a social commentary now and less of like “Oh! I get to get up and play!” Yeah, that’s kind of fun. It’s really interesting.

LD: So has been different for you in Asheville particularly?

A: That’s the thing. When I performed in Richmond, where I’m from, It was at two different bars, and I did like amateur night at one bar and then I had a queen come up to me and ask me to be in a drag king show for the following week at another bar. And so that was mostly.. the amateur night was a “get up and do whatever you want to do” kind of thing. The king bar was sort of a presentation of Richmond’s kings, which was really cool and a nice sort of expose. So I don’t really have a lot of experience outside of Asheville. But in Asheville it’s sort of evolved from that--performing at stonewall, different places where it’s just “get up and do your deal, sit down, you had a good time” and has become more about, because I feel that it’s such an artistic community and a vibrant community in a lot of ways… There’s more… I don’t want to say “response” but I think people are looking for something in drag that’s more than just a person on stage shaking their ass. I think it’s become “what does this mean about our culture—this subculture of like queer identity?” You know, “what can you bring to the table that’s different?” And I think that’s what people respond to more that I’ve seen in Asheville. And I don’t know if that’s true in other places, but that’s what I see here in Asheville.

LD: Does drag inform or relate to your gender identity?

A: Ha! [both laugh] Yes and no. Like I said before, drag is way of being able to play on the edges. Because I don’t really fall into the feminine or masculine gender identity, but I am transitioning… Um.. which is an entirely separate issue. But I think it does because it lets me.. my identity is very much pulling out things of masculinity and femininity that I like. You know, I like the ways boys clothes fit but I really like to crochet. You know? And I’m picking two very stereotypical things, very stereotypically male and female things to do. So my identity is a blend of these different parts of what people believe to be masculinity or femininity combined into one. Drag is very much isolating stereotypes and playing into them and—like I said—almost like a satire. And it’s almost to a ludicrous point. So it does, but it doesn’t in way either. There are sort of positives and negatives for me.

LD: Yeah.. How does drag relate to your experience with gender norms and stereotypes—especially masculinity?

A: Um.. Again, I think it’s strange to be transitioning and using male pronouns, being—for the most part—perceived as male in society and culture and then say I’m doing a drag performance and look exactly the same as I would on the street. So I think that has to do with it.. I don’t know, drag is about buying into gender norms, but… like I said.. it’s almost like “here’s the middle line” and I know you can’t see that on the recorder but you have the masculine and feminine sides almost taking those things that are uber masculine and feminine and taking them over the line and over the top. So yes it does play into gender norms and gender stereotypes, but.. in a very social commentary way. In a very “in your face..” Cause you don’t learn how to be a woman or be a man from a drag show. Watching a drag queen is not going to teach you how to be a woman, but it will show you some of the things that maybe are considered feminine. I don’t know if that made sense or answered your question, but yeah.

LD: How did it feel to do femme drag?

A: Crazy. Weird. Awesome. And really cool. I have infinitely more respect for drag queens—not that I didn’t have respect for them—but it has doubled. [both laugh] Um.. because I’m pretty solid on a pair of heels. I’m pretty good at walking in a pair of heels, and I was like wobbling a bit trying to dance around. And I’m like “Okay.. Maybe this needs some practice. Okay. I mean it was really funny. Someone backstage was like “Oh my god, you have breasts! Can I touch them?” I mean it was someone I knew—it wasn’t inappropriate. It was really kinda funny. I think the crazy thing about femme drag is like I don’t bind when I’m not at work or church. When I’m somewhere when I’m not trying to be or play into a certain concept, I’m really comfortable just being me. I have this chest, and it hurts to bind. So you know most of the people who interact with me, see me in a sports bra. So I in fact do have breasts that are, to me, pretty obvious. And obvious enough to other people. People just staring at my chest “Where did those come from?” kind of way. Doing femme drag, I don’t know helped me see the way people see me most of the time. And this isn’t actually what they see, but it’s funny because it’s what I see. I see myself naked all the time. [laughs] So I know what I look like and other peoples’ perception of that, their reactions were over the top. It’s interesting.

LD: Do you have a drag persona? If so, how do you create your characters?

A: I do have a drag persona. I think I create my character in a way.. I think if I were born into a “naturally occurring penis body” [laughs] cause I don’t know what the correct term is anymore! But you know, if I were born into that body, I think that’s very much I would be like. In Richmond, we had drag mothers. There were drag families all over the place. And in Richmond I was adopted by this one drag queen whose name was Sharon Husbands, and she picks names by using plays on words. So “Sharin” “Husbands”..? And it was right before amateur night, and I was like “I really need a drag name. I don’t know which one to pick.” And some people were giving suggestions and she decided she was going to name me Carson Freeway. Like “cars on freeway” as just a play on words or whatever. But it was a drag name, and I’ve kept it cause it’s important to me to keep that connection. So Carson is my drag name, very preppy.. almost jockish persona and name and everything that goes with it. And I think that’s maybe how I would have been if I had been socialized male, very pop-your-collar, Abercrombie style [LD laughs] and I’m not that way at all! So it’s funny to think that “Wow I could have been this way.” But I’m not, I can just play with it now. That’s kind of where it came from.

LD: And how about Amanda?

A: [sighs] Well Amanda was sort of a… If I continue doing female drag I will come up with another drag persona and come up with an actual name and persona around that. Amanda was just the name of the artist I was doing and it was easier than trying to come up with name in two hours. I don’t know.. that was weird the planning of what to wear, what to look like.. Before I started transitioning, I looked really silly in girls’ clothes.. with big shoulders. When I tried to wear spaghetti straps, I looked like a line backer in a dress. [both laugh] It’s pretty funny. So trying to play into that and realizing that those limitations are still there. In fact they’re worse because of muscle mass builds up in my arms and shoulders that really wasn’t there before and that even more makes me look like a line backer in a dress. So it’s been kinda funny. Sometimes I feel that having a female body is wonderful, amazing thing, and I make peace with that. But I still do have certain anatomy that gives me away as female. And recognizing when I use that and play into it that I have much more that gives me away as male. I’m walking this crazy line in between. There are things that prevent me from being stereotypical either way. That was kinda interesting. That was fun to think about. I don’t know if that answered your question.

LD: I think you did… Anything else you’d like to share about your experience with drag?

A: Drag, like gender and identity, is just one of those things that I think about all the fucking time. I think it’s one of those things like sometimes you’re okay with your body and so I don’t know. I think drag is a strange, for a genderqueer culture.. I think yes, it can be satirical or social commentary but it’s also the intersection being trans and in some form of drag is high. I know of several drag queens who are on estrogen and who live their lives as women but still identify as drag queens. And I’m on hormones, live as male, and I identify as a drag king. At what point does it stop being performance and start being who you are? And I don’t really know what that intersection is.